With the world in so much flux these days, many of us are noticing how difficult it can be to deal with ever-changing plans.
It’s always been a challenge, but as with so many things, it’s become an in-your-face challenge these days.
Some people really struggle when plans are always changing — it can be frustrating and feel like there’s no solid ground under our feet. Other people seem to love having no solid plans … but their challenge is often that they can’t seem to commit to anything regular, don’t want to be tied down, and often have difficulty focusing.
Today I’m talking to those who struggle with rapidly changing plans.
What if you could learn to be nimble, flexible, resilient when plans are always changing? What if you could find focus in the middle of the chaos, and calm in the middle of the storm? What if you could learn to flow like a surfer riding a wave?
This is the promise of learning to relax with uncertainty and navigate uncertain waters.
Let’s talk about some key ideas …
Every change is a training.
When someone changes plans on us, we can (and often will) get frustrated with them for changing things up on us at the last minute. And while we can talk with them about it if it becomes an ongoing problem … sometimes changes are unavoidable. What if, instead, we embraced the change as a training opportunity to get better at being flexible, nimble and resilient with change?
We could then find gratitude for this beautiful training opportunity. Thank the person. And then turn towards our own frustration or resistance to change, as a way to grow in this area.
Use changes to stay present.
The training we can do, when presented with the opportunity of a change in plans, can simply be to remember to be present. Simply open to the experience of the present moment. When we’re frustrated with changes, it’s because we are fixated on what we expected things to be, on what is no longer true. What if we focused instead on what is right in front of us, the reality on the ground?
In this way, change training is simply mindfulness training. Learning to open to the moment that is unfolding, unpredictable, unplanned, but still breathtakingly wondrous.
Learn to relax with uncertainty.
When a change in plans presents itself, we often will feel a tug of uncertainty at our hearts. It’s the feeling of the rug being yanked from under us — yikes, things are not stable! So we feel a moment of fear. That can then be turned into a train of thought: “Why do they always have to change things up on me, why can’t we just stick to plans, why can’t I just have one day of peace?” And so on, until we’ve turned a momentary feeling of uncertainty into a huge deal.
What if instead we could feel the sensation of uncertainty in our bodies, and simply turn our attention on it and be with it? What if we could practice relaxing with the uncertainty? It doesn’t have to be turned into a frustrating narrative (though that might still happen), but could simply be a direct experience of change.
Practice flowing with changes.
Once we learn to relax with uncertainty and open to the unfolding ever-changing moment … we can learn to flow. Like a surfer flowing with a wave that’s always changing. It can actually be fun! Let’s see how good I can get at flow, let’s see how nimble I can get with change, let’s see how resilient I can be with uncertainty.
That means when there’s a change, we can relax with the uncertainty, and then make a very simple decision: what is best here? Then take that next simple step, with ease.
You can find focus in chaos, with practice.
With a lot of changes, we can have difficulty finding focus. It’s chaotic! I can’t focus! Actually, we can find focus, but it can take some practice.
The practice is simply this: pause to consider what you’d like to focus on. If you’re feeling chaotic, turn toward the sensation of that, and relax with it. Then create the space to focus, if possible — if you don’t have the time, you can simply do it when the space is available. But a lot of people actually have the time, they just don’t allow them